sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
