Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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