i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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