If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
