i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
