Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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