I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
