is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
