his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
