Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
