he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
