if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
