last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize