I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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