I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
