how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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