she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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