I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize