Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
