I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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