I can text with my tongue
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
