You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
