yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
