Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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