He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
