the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
