Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
