Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
