I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
