i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize