mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No subtext here. People are naked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize