So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
