There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize