ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
