we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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