Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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