Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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