I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
