her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
