Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
