i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
