I queefed so loud it echoed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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