Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
