Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
