CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
