Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
