arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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