Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
