I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
