She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
