Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
