It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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