So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
