Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
