I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
