No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
