He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
