Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize