FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize