it hurts more in the daytime
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
