he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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