As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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