My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
