Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
